How to read this in the UK
Three things need to stay separate in a record. What the arrangement says, what actually happened, and the file that shows it. Blur them together and a reader has to take your word for it. Keep them apart and the record speaks for itself.
The UK is not one family-law system. England and Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland each have their own rules, forms and vocabulary. Use the words that appear in your own order or agreement rather than a term borrowed from somewhere else.
Keep the complete source file, not a crop of it. Write events in the order they happened, and say plainly where something is missing or unclear. A family solicitor can work with a record like that. They cannot work with a reconstruction.
Separate the mediation pack from the evidence archive
Your evidence archive preserves the complete history. The mediation pack should be smaller. Current schedule, upcoming dates, verified practical facts, issues to solve, options and figures. A 200-page message export rarely helps two parents compare two school-night proposals. A one-page calendar showing travel and handover times might.
Ask the mediator in advance what documents they accept and whether material must be shared with the other participant. Services differ, and so do the privacy protections attached to what you hand over.
Know which stage of the process you're at
Most parents start with a MIAM. That's a one-to-one meeting with an authorised family mediator, not mediation itself. Since 29 April 2024 the mediator has to go through the ways of settling without court and say which might suit your circumstances. Mediation only follows if you both agree to it.
Exemptions from the MIAM exist. Domestic abuse is one. You now have to give evidence for the exemption you claim, and the court can ask whether it still applies once a case is running.
If mediation doesn't settle everything and you apply to court, both parties file form FM5. It sets out your views on using non-court dispute resolution. A judge can pause a hearing so you can try again. Declining to take part without good reason can now affect a costs order.
Decide the format before the first joint session
Mediation doesn't have to put you both in one room. The Family Mediation Council is clear that you don't have to be in the same space as your ex if you or the mediator would rather work separately. That arrangement is usually called shuttle mediation. Many services also run sessions online.
Raise the format at the MIAM rather than on the day. Say what you need, and say why. If a safety concern affects whether mediation suits you at all, tell the mediator privately and early.
Format changes what your pack has to do. In shuttle and online sessions the mediator carries your dates and figures across for you. So a one-page summary per issue works harder than a folder.
Turn positions into child-focused interests
Position: “I need every Sunday night.”
Child-focused interest: “The child needs a predictable school-morning routine, a return time that allows sleep, and their uniform and medication in one place.”
Practical facts: school starts 08:30. Travel from each home. Current Sunday activity. Medication handover.
Options to test: Sunday 18:00 return. Monday school drop-off with duplicate uniform. Alternating arrangement during activity season.
The rewrite doesn't abandon a preference. It makes the underlying need visible enough to design alternatives.
Work through the Cafcass reading before you go
Cafcass publishes an interactive tool called Our Child's Plan. It used to be called the Parenting Plan. It covers living arrangements, school holidays, health, education and contact with wider family. Working through it beforehand turns a vague worry into a list you can actually negotiate.
Two short documents sit alongside it. The Family Justice Young People's Board Top Tips were written by children who went through family proceedings. The Cafcass Family Forum tips were written by parents who did.
Our Child's Plan isn't binding on its own. Cafcass says judges and magistrates are likely to expect one to be in place if a case later reaches court. So the version you take into mediation is worth keeping.
Use a copyable proposal worksheet
ISSUE:
CURRENT ARRANGEMENT:
WHAT ALREADY WORKS:
CHILD'S PRACTICAL NEEDS:
AGREED FACTS / VERIFIED DATES:
MY PREFERRED OPTION:
OPTION B:
OPTION C:
TRANSPORT / COST / NOTICE DETAILS:
HOW WE WILL TEST OR REVIEW IT:
SAFETY OR SUITABILITY POINT FOR MEDIATOR:
WORDS NEEDED IN ANY WRITTEN OUTCOME:
MIAM DATE AND MEDIATOR:
FORMAT WANTED (JOINT / SHUTTLE / ONLINE):
LEGAL AID OR VOUCHER STATUS:Bring records that answer a practical question
Use a calendar for schedule patterns. Keep a simple expense table for repayments. Add a decision log for medical or school issues. Select messages only when exact wording or a prior practical agreement matters. Label disputed facts rather than arguing them into certainty.
For child arrangements the useful papers are usually school term dates, the timetable, breakfast or after-school club bookings, activity times, and any medical or special educational needs detail. Add travel times between the two homes. Add who currently does each pick-up.
Where money is in issue, mediators expect figures you can evidence. A court will expect the arrangement to be affordable and backed by written or saved evidence. So take statements and bills rather than estimates.
What mediation costs, and what help exists
GOV.UK puts the usual cost of a MIAM at around £120. Sessions are charged on top, and many services ask for payment before each one unless you're legally aided.
If you both qualify for legal aid, it covers the MIAM, the mediation sessions that follow and the cost of applying for a consent order. If only one of you qualifies, legal aid covers that person's MIAM and the first mediation session for both of you.
The family mediation voucher scheme adds up to £500 towards session fees, whatever you earn. It usually pays for at least two sessions. It applies to a dispute about a child, and it can extend to family finances where a child dispute is running alongside. It can't be spent on the MIAM. You can claim once per family. The scheme is time-limited, so check it's still open before you count on it.
Record the outcome without overstating it
SESSION DATE:
PEOPLE PRESENT:
ISSUES DISCUSSED:
POINTS AGREED IN PRINCIPLE:
EXACT DATES, TIMES, COSTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES:
POINTS STILL OPEN:
DOCUMENT THE MEDIATOR WILL PRODUCE:
LEGAL REVIEW OR COURT-ORDER STEP NEEDED:
TEMPORARY START / REVIEW DATE:You may end up with a memorandum of understanding, an open financial statement, an Our Child's Plan or a consent order. They don't all have the same effect. Ask the mediator what each document is, and ask a family solicitor before you treat any note as enforceable.
Place agreements in the chronology
Keep the private timeline focused on outcomes: 19 Jul | Mediation | Trial school-night schedule agreed in principle for 1 Aug–30 Sep. Written summary awaited | MED-03. When the document arrives, add the received date and reference. If legal review changes the wording, link the versions rather than overwriting the first record.
Avoid inserting confidential negotiation detail into a court timeline without advice. What was said while trying to settle may need different treatment from the outcome and from later conduct.
Locality checklist for a UK review
Name the UK nation and court. Copy the key words from the current order or plan. Add places only when they help explain the event. Remove home or school addresses if the reader does not need them. Check the right court rules before you use a private timeline as a formal record.
A UK review note
Prepare for family mediation in England and Wales with a pack covering the MIAM, shuttle or joint sessions, Our Child's Plan, legal aid and the £500 voucher. Sharing any of it in the UK takes a few more steps.
Before you share any of this, work from a copy. Remove private details the reader does not need, and leave the original file untouched.
Check each key sentence. Can you link it to a date or source? If not, change the summary. Do not fill the gap with a guess.
Name the UK nation and court on the review copy. Keep the words used in the order. Ask a family solicitor about court rules and what you may need to share.
Casewell
Prepare for family mediation in England and Wales with a pack covering the MIAM, shuttle or joint sessions, Our Child's Plan, legal aid and the £500 voucher.
Try for freeShould I bring all my evidence to mediation?
Usually a focused practical pack is easier to use. Ask the mediator what can be submitted, what will be shared and whether the full archive should stay outside the session.
Do I have to attend a MIAM before applying to court?
Usually yes. GOV.UK says you'll normally need to show you've attended a MIAM before you apply. Exemptions exist, including where there's been domestic abuse, and since April 2024 you have to give evidence for the exemption you claim.
What if I feel unsafe taking part?
Tell the mediator before the session. Shuttle mediation, online sessions and MIAM exemptions all exist for this reason, and mediation may not be suitable at all. Domestic abuse support services can help you decide.
Can I mediate without being in the same room?
Yes. The Family Mediation Council says you don't have to be in the same space as your ex if you or the mediator would rather work separately. Ask about shuttle or online sessions at the MIAM.
What does a MIAM cost, and can I get help paying?
GOV.UK gives a usual cost of around £120. Legal aid can cover it if you qualify. The family mediation voucher scheme pays up to £500 towards mediation sessions. But it can't be used for the MIAM itself.
Is a mediation agreement automatically a court order?
Not on its own. A mediated outcome is usually written up as a memorandum of understanding or a parenting plan. Making financial terms binding generally needs a consent order approved by the court. Ask a family solicitor which step your agreement needs.
Does this cover Scotland and Northern Ireland too?
No. England and Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland have separate family-law systems, forms and terms. Use the page to organise a working record and get advice for the relevant legal system.
Sources
This edition describes family mediation in England and Wales. Scotland and Northern Ireland have separate systems, forms and terms. It's a records guide, not legal advice, and it doesn't replace current court directions or advice from a family solicitor.
- England and Wales Family Procedure Rules: Practice Direction 3A
- The Family Procedure (Amendment No. 2) Rules 2023 (in force 29 April 2024)
- GOV.UK: make an agreement through mediation
- GOV.UK: family mediation voucher scheme
- Cafcass: how Our Child's Plan can help
- Family Mediation Council: family mediation
- Cafcass: mediation and dispute resolution
- GOV.UK: Making child arrangements