Co-parent harassment: examples and how to document them — for Australian parents

How to read this in Australia

A record earns its weight by staying factual. Note what was planned, note what took place, and attach the file or message that supports the note.

Start from the parenting order, plan or written agreement now in force. Most family law here is federal, though Western Australia follows a different court path in some cases. Use the words that appear in your own papers.

Keep the good days in the private record alongside the difficult ones. When a review is needed, select only the entries that answer the question in front of you. That is what lets an Australian family lawyer find the key facts quickly.

Your state, territory and court matter

Most Australian family law is federal. Western Australia is the exception, with its own Family Court. Say where you live and which court is involved. Be clear whether your arrangement is a parenting order, a parenting plan or a written agreement, and use its exact words. Keep court papers, family dispute resolution records and everyday notes in separate folders.

What co-parents usually mean by harassment

There isn't one definition that travels across every state or country. In everyday use, parents describe a mix of repeated contact, hostility, threats, monitoring and pressure that keeps arriving after they've asked for it to stop. Your record doesn't have to settle the legal question. It has to show what happened, how often, and through which channel.

Examples that belong in a record

Useful entries tend to fall into a few groups. Message volume and timing come first. After that: insults or threats, contact through people who never agreed to be involved, turning up outside scheduled time, and using the children to carry demands. Money and school admin get used the same way. Log the behavior, not the label you'd put on it.

Separate the pattern from the single incident

One heated message on a bad day is different from ninety messages across a weekend. Reviewers look at frequency, escalation, and whether the contact continued after a clear request to stop. Keep a weekly count alongside each entry, and include the quiet weeks too. A pattern reads as honest when it shows both.

Write each entry so a stranger can check it

Facts first: date, time, channel, what was sent or said, who could see or hear it, and what you did next. Skip the diagnosis. “He's a narcissist” can't be checked. “Fourteen messages between 23:10 and 01:40, screenshots MSG-114 to MSG-127” can. The second version is much harder to argue with.

Preserve the source material early

Messages get deleted, accounts get blocked, voicemails expire. Export or back up the original thread before you need it, and keep screenshots dated and unedited. Note anything you can't recover, and say plainly that it's missing. Gaps you flag yourself do far less damage than gaps someone else finds.

Know when a log isn't the next step

A log is not a safety plan. If you or the children are being threatened, or the contact feels dangerous, speak to local emergency services or a domestic-abuse service first, then to a qualified lawyer. Your record supports those conversations. It doesn't replace them.

Before you share your record

Everything above is about keeping your own record. Before you show any of it to someone else, a few extra steps help.

Work from a copy when someone needs to review the record. Include the current order or plan, a short timeline and a few clearly named files.

Check your current orders and the court rules before you send anything. An Australian family lawyer can tell you what belongs in an affidavit and what should stay private.

Say which state or territory you are in and which court is involved. Take extra care in Western Australia, which has its own Family Court.

DATE:
TIME RANGE:
CHANNEL:
WHAT WAS SENT OR SAID:
WHO WAS PRESENT:
PRIOR REQUEST TO STOP (DATE):
WHAT I DID NEXT:
SOURCE REFERENCE:
WHAT I COULD NOT RECOVER: